Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Finding Him again

I've been through a lot of trials in the last 8 months. A curious illness that no one seems to be able to diagnose, chronic pain, fatigue, and mood swings, being unable to work, and the list goes on and on. Now, like most people, I fell into a darkness. Constantly apologizing to everyone for being a burden, apologizing for being ill, and thinking no one understood what I was going through. May 25, 2012 was the first time I realized something was wrong physically. The amount of pain I was in, the unbelievable swelling of my ankles, fingers, knee and no one to give me answers, frightened me.

For several weeks, I fell into this darkness. I was angry for being ill. I was angry for being unable to help anyone, let alone myself. I was angry that I couldn't get rid of my pain. I was angry I couldn't walk unassisted. I was angry I couldn't perform my basic hygiene routine. At 26 years old, my husband had to bathe and dress me! We lost the house we were renting, barely able to get food, and I just sunk deeper and deeper into this darkness.

Before we had to move out of the house, I began to do some serious soul searching. God was knocking, I had to let Him in! My mind began to race of all the things I had done wrong in my past, the things that I knew I shouldn't have done, and I bowed my head and said, " God, I know I've done a lot of things wrong in my life. I know I have strayed away from you and thought I knew better for myself. I was wrong. Please, I want you back in my heart, my life, my home. I'm giving myself completely to you and am listening. Give me that first step."

Later that very same day, I got a phone call from my mother in law. She wanted me to go to acupuncture with her to see how it helps my pain (mind you, at this point I was on heavy pain killers and over 1800 mg of ibuprofen). So I said sure, I mean why not give it a shot. That was my first step.

I have been going to acupuncture once a week since the beginning of July. I am now almost completely back to normal. I have some pain here and there, but it's tolerable. No more medication! No more crutches, wheelchairs, walkers. God made it possible for me to be relieved of my physical suffering. He worked through others to give me a life again!

Every single day since I gave my life back to God, I have seen improvement in every area of my life. Are things perfect, no. Do we still struggle, yes. But, God is always with me. He is always listening, always watching, always providing. There is a lot of turbulence in everyone's lives. That's part of our earthly being. How you handle these things, is another story.

On another note, managing my emotions and reactions to my circumstances has become a lot easier through the Word of God. That has dramatically changed my outlook on life :) I have found my purpose. I have found the light again. That darkness is gone. I have hope. I have peace. I have joy. It's an incredible feeling knowing you're never alone in any type of battle. I was one of the lost, but I am lost no longer. Everyone has a purpose. Everyone is here for a reason. Do you know your reason? Have you allowed Jesus to take control of your life, the way it should be?

I'm going to leave you with this. No one is perfect. Striving for absolute perfection, approval from others, is not what's going to give you joy and peace. Walking with God will.

If you haven't yet, please give yourself over to The Lord. Let Him take control and give you the life He intended you to have. Jesus is knocking, will you let Him in?

God Bless and keep smilin!

Stephanie




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